It seems to be the case that every time I think I have a grasp on a certain aspect of God something will happen that will remind me that I am very very far from understanding anything. Coming back to participate in the Basic Leadership School (BLS) here at YWAM Brisbane my prayer was that I would gain some sort of an understanding of the Lords love for me. I felt like He was wanting to show me what it means to be loves as a child and not as just a nameless face in the sea of Christians around the world. Through the first phase of my school God answered my prayer by showing himself to be so FAITHFUL in my specific needs. I had never been in a place where I had to rely on God so specifically before and stood in awe as I saw him come through time and time again as we fought through tricky visa and financial situations. God truly blessed me by showing me that He really does hear my prayers and is willing to provide for me as a His child whom He takes care of.
During the next phase of my school as us BLS students worked in various logistical roles around base we received various self development assignments to help us process our strengths and weaknesses that came out during Phase 1. During this time the big word God kept hitting on was TRUST. He had been faithful to provide for all my teams needs and now it was time to truly take a look into whether or not I was really trusting Him with the bigger issues. During this time I was able to release my future to God and was able to get rid of a lot of fear. I had been so focused on "His ways are higher than mine" that I stopped expecting anything from God. I was starting to assume that God's plans were always opposite to mine and asking for anything specific was selfish. I had hardened my heart to the point where I was actually scared to hope for things for fear of getting let down. During this time God revealed to me a heart that actually cares about our desires, not that every one of them will be fulfilled in the way we want but that He cares and actually delights in giving to us. I was able to completely release my life and future to God with this revelation. Not in the security that everything will go as I want but with a new understanding that His heart is actually for me and I can bring desires before Him without fear.
Now as I begin phase 3 and staff another Music Art and Dance DTS I am diving more into the concept of GRACE. Grace is undeserved favor but I have any idea what that means? I think I have a little understanding of Gods mercy. That He won't punish or smite if we screw up because Jesus has paid the price, but I have been seeing an incredible amount of pride in me that makes me think I have to work to earn Gods favor. That the chances I have to speak into peoples lives or serve are because of me and therefore it's the be all and end all if I fail. The Lord has been revealing tons on this topic to me that will be in the next blog but until then I will say that a large portion of it came from doing a character study on Jacob. If there is ever a story about grace it would be the one. Undeserved favor NOT by works but by FAITH.